Q. Why was Christina Aguilera banned from swimming in the ocean? | A. Because she makes the fish stink.
Q. Why do dogs like Christina Aguilera so much? | A. Because she smells like tuna.
Q. Why does Christina Aguilera wear hoop earrings? | A. So she has a place to rest her ankles.
Q. What did Christina Aguilera's right leg said to her left leg? | A1. Nothing, they never met. | A2. Between the two of us we could make alot of money.
Q. Why does Christina Aguilera always turn her head when she hears the word whore? | A. She thinks someone is adressing her.
Q. How many guys has Christina Aguilera FUCKED? | A. We don't know no onr has ever been able to count that high.
Q. Why did all the gynecologists kill each other? | A. They were fighting over who has to go near Christina Aguilera's smelly Kootchie.
Q. What does Christina Aguilera use postage stamps for? | A. Her bra.
Q. How do you know if Christina Aguilera has been in your refrigerator? | A. By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
Q. What do Christina Aguilera and a screendoor have incommon? | A. The more you bang them the looser they get.
Q. What do Christina Aguilera and railroad tracks have incommon? | A. They've been laid all across the country.
Q. What do Christina Aguilera and a computer have incommon? | A. Both tend do go down on you often.
Q. How is Christina Aguilera like a doornob? | A. Everyone gets a turn.
Q. How is Christina Aguilera like a bicycle? | A. Everyone has ridden her.
Q. How does Christina Aguilera know when it's time to take a bath? | A. When she does the splits and she sticks to the floor.
Q. Why is Christina Aguilera's hair blonde? | A. Because she is so ugly that dogs piss on her head.
What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex? | Clint can make your day, but anal sex can make your entire week
How do you get three old ladies to say "fuck"? | Have the fourth one yell "BINGO".
What's red and sits in the corner? | A naughty fire engine!
   1.  Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off
   2. Blow your nose, then offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers
   3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
   4. On a long ride, sway from side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator
   5. Belch as loudly and deeply for as long as you can. Pause. Then repeat.
   6. Crack open your briefcase or purse, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
   7. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator (wear your own upside-down)
   8. Lean over to another passenger, smile broadly and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
   9. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral
  10. Tai Chi exercises
  11. Yell out "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!" from the back of extremely packedelevators
  12. Hand out religious tracts to each passenger
  13. Pass wind. Smile smugly and look proud about it.
  14. Take bets with other passengers about how many coins you can fit up your nose
  15. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected
  16. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it
  17. Attempt to start a sing-along
  18. Play the harmonica
  19. Shadow box
  20. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope
  21. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space"
  22. Bring a chair along
  23. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
  24. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body"
  25. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively 