No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.  They always catch the second person.
You can't trust a dog to watch your food.
Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.
Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.
Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground.
My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things, right now, I am so far behind I will live forever.
