 violently hits $$1 with a large metal baseball bat
 throws rotten eggs at $$1 $+ 's head
punch's $$1 and shoves a tampon up $$1 $+ 's nose to make it stop bleeding
 flogs $$1 up side da head with his old 286 computer.  Chips fly everywhere. Hard drive slows significantly and $$1 also slows significantly. τΏτ
 pulls out a BIG stick and slaps $$1's butt for a little while, hope it hurts!
 slaps $$1 around a while with his BIG RED autoexec.bat!
 slaps $$1 with a rolled up newspaper and then says "BAD DOG!!!"
 slaps $$1 with a soft feather pillow!
 gets a steel bat and smashes $* with it "BATTER UP!!"
 picks up a bazooka and shoots continuously at $$1 .. BOOM BOOM BOOM
 grabs $$1 pulls them close and takes a nice bite out of their neck.  Then jumps back and says "Why $$1 you taste sour!"
 puts $$1 into orbit aboard the latest lamer space shuttle. See if you can get back from there!
 sticks a shiny red bow on $$1's head, then says "It really suits ya!".
 sticks a RED HOT curling iron in $$1's ear and swishes there brain around for awhile.  Is it clear now???
 aims a  World War II surplus flame thrower at $$1's marshmellow, singeing $$1 eyebrows.  Hope you like roasted marshmellows!!
 slaps $$1 around with a stinking old smelly carp!!!
 CAUTION $$1 is in $Chan CAUTION
 flogs $$1's head with a wet, partially plucked chicken.  White chicken feathers fall like giant snowflakes.  $$1 goes down for the count.
 pulls out the dart shooter and loads and cocks it aims at $$1 and fires hitting $$1 right on the tushie with the rubber dart!
