 Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"  and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
 Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
 A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
 Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
 You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
 When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
 "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
 "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
 An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
 You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead. 
 Your back goes out more than you do. 
 You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 
 You buy a compass for the dash of your car/truck. 
 You are proud of your lawn mower. 
 Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws. 
 Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper. 
 You sing along with the elevator music. 
 You would rather go to work than stay home sick. 
 You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 
 You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 
 People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?" 
 You answer a question with, "Because I said so." 
 You send money to PBS. 
 The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants. 
 You take a metal detector to the beach. 
 You know what the word "equity" means. 
 You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television. 
 Your ears are hairier than your head. 
 You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn. 
 You get into a heated argument about pension plans. 
 You got cable for The Weather Channel. 
 You can go bowling without drinking. 
 You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 
 People play this game.