 On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). 
 On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
 On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
 On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
 On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
 On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
 On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
 On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
 On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
 On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what)?
 On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
 On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
 On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
 On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
 On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
